If I had that moment again, I'd...

October 13, 2016

 

 

Here’s a light hearted thought.  Perhaps not a new one, but a little reminder for us all: 

The laws of physics say that there is a little gap between

 

 

 

                                                    Cause             and           Effect

                                                    Action            and           Response

                                                   Realisation     and           Reaction

 

Have you ever run towards elevator doors that are closing? Once you’ve wedged a part of yourself in, you can usually push the doors apart and squeeze the rest of you through can't you? 

 

      Think of the left hand door as the event;                          Think of the right hand door as your 

      (a nagging child or a child related event that's                   reaction to the event.

      caused you alarm or frustration) 

 

 

If you’re anything like me, the reaction can come within a nano-second of the event! But we do have a choice to prize them apart and create a space…

 

In that space we can take a breath and turn our reaction into a response.

 

A reaction comes from our feelings.                                         A response comes from our rationale.

 

 

 

In our more enlightened moments we will have decided what atmosphere we want in our home. If that’s a calm one where people are treated with respect, then we won’t want to look back at a day littered with reactive bombs. (tempting though they are) and hear ourselves saying....if I had that moment again, I'd.........

(or is that only me?)

 

 

 

 

 

In that space we can consider our options and move….

 

                Away from                                                  Towards

 

             I have no choice                                       I have a choice

            My frustration                                           Their experience

            Punishment                                               Natural consequences

            Reaction                                                     Proactivity

            Feeling powerless                                     Feeling empowered

 

We can bring our response from a place of frustration into a calmer place of deciding what the most appropriate response is to the situation, just by pausing a second.

 

In that second we can make a choice to respond calmly, even if we don't feel calm. Our language will change; depending on the circumstances, we might move from “You’re driving me bonkers.” To …

 

“I’m not able to give this to you right now.”

“You’re welcome to keep shouting, you just need to know it won’t change my mind.”

Or

“I’m sorry this is difficult for you.”

“Let’s chat about this when we're both feeling calmer.”

 

It’s not easy. In fact it’s much easier to have a bit of a shout. But, do you know, a physiological change happens in the brain once we’ve made a choice: Our rational response will actually make us feel calmer.

 

You don’t have to forfeit your boundaries or principles. It’s just that your voice will have... 

 

                                                                 More weight and less volume!

 

 

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