Suggested Questions for your book group:

 

SOFT LOVE

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HOPES AND DREAMS

• Were you able to identify hopes that you have for the characters of your children?

• What do you want to be remembered for as a parent?

• What is one thing you are doing differently from your parents?

• What is one area of family life you would like to improve?

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Values: (p 26)

• What are three values that feel important to you?​

• Are you ever influenced by other people’s expectations?

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BELONGING

• Would you like your family to have more shared experiences?

• In which ways could you invite your children to contribute to family-life ideas?

• What sort of things might you discuss at a family meeting?

• What could you call your family meetings?

• What family traditions do you have/or would you like to start?

• What is unique about your family?

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Trust: (page 44)

• Which areas of trust-building appeal to you?

• Is it ever hard to speak the truth?

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EMPATHY

• Does empathy feel time consuming?

• How could you improve your listening skills?

• NEUROSCIENCE: How can you help your children to respond rather than react? (P55)

• Is it easy to accept your child’s feelings even when you don’t agree with their perspective?

• How can you build your child’s emotional vocabulary?

• How easy is it to hold back your solutions and let them solve?

• NEUROSCIENCE: Can you see the physical effect on your child when they receive love from you? (P 61)

 

Values: Humility (P66)

• Do you think receiving apology can have a powerful effect?
  Are you good at admitting your mistakes?

 

CHOICES

• Do you and your child ever have power struggles?

• Which instructions could you exchange for choices?

• Does life go too fast? - Where could you create some space?

• Would you find it hard to give your child space to fail?

• Is responsibility an important part of your vision?

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Values: Compromise (p82)

• Is the culture in your family set by the values of both you and your partner evenly or is it

• more reflective of one of you?

• Are there any areas where you could stand back and allow your partner more decisions?

 

DIFFERENT WAYS TO LOVE

• Which are your two top love languages?

• Which ones can you identify strongly in your child?

• What drains your child?

• What could you offer them from their top love languages when they’re feeling low?

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• Values: Rest (P94)

• Do all your demands fit in your life?

• What refreshes you?

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STRONG LOVE

BOUNDARIES

• Do you find it difficult or easy to enforce your boundaries among friends or at work?

• In which ways are you tempted to over-manage your child?

• Can you identify the links between boundaries and empowerment?

• Are your boundaries clear or do they move around depending on your mood?

• Is it hard to be gentle and strong at the same time?

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Values: Grief (p112)

• Are you able to share with your child when you are feeling sad?

• When your child is sad do you find it tempting to cheer them up?

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CONSEQUENCES AND RESPONSIBILITY

• Do you ever use consequences that are not linked to your child’s poor choice?

• Are there areas where you are tempted to swoop in and save your child?

• Do you find it hard when your child seems disappointed with you?

• Do you ever feel that your voice is ‘white noise’ in your home?

• Can you think of an area of your child’s character that needs strengthening?

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Values: Perseverance (p136)

• Can you identify the difference between celebrating success and celebrating

• perseverance?

• Is there an area you would like to see your child increase their perseverance?

 

CONFLICT

• Do you find conflict uncomfortable?

• Would you like to be better at expressing yourself when you’re disappointed with

• someone’s choice?

• Can you accept someone’s perspective even when you disagree?

• Can you cope with the mess that comes after conflict and before resolution?

• Can you identify whether a problem is yours or your child’s?

 

SIBLING CONFLICT

• What are the ‘rules of play’ in your home?

• Do you find it hard to offer empathy when your children emerge from a fight?

• Can you find ways to change an accusation into an ‘I message’?

• If you have tried mediation between your children, how did it go?

NEUROSCIENCE: Can you identify whether your child uses their head or their heart first
when responding to challenges?

• Are you a head-first or heart-first person?

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Values: Gratitude (P162)

• Do your children express gratitude often?

• Do you write or share when you feel grateful?

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SOCIAL MEDIA

• What age do you think children should use social media?

NEUROLOGY: Dopamine (168)

• How does your child respond to limitations?

• Can you identify areas you find it challenging to limit yourself?

• Do you think social media sites are aware of the pitfalls of addiction to social media?

NEUROLOGY: Cortisol (P171)

• Do you ever see signs of stress in your child when they use social media?

• Have you experienced tension when using social media?

• Have you considered a two-way agreement?

• Has your child shared the pros and cons of social media with you?

• What boundaries feel important to you for your agreement?

• Which apps or platforms are not permitted in your home?

• What could you offer into your side of the agreement?

• Which ones might your child recommend you offer into the agreement?

• In which ways could you boost your child’s self-confidence?

• Are there some adventures you’d be game for trying?

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Values: Adventure (p 188)

• Have you noticed the increased desire for adventure in teenagers you know?

• Which areas could you relax a little to make space for adventure?

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GENERAL

• Which chapter most encouraged you?

• Which chapter was the most challenging?

• Which were your favourite quotes and why?