BOOK CLUB

Parenting Course:

How to use the book as a PARENTING COURSE

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Suggested Questions for your book group:

 

SOFT LOVE

HOPES AND DREAMS

  • Were you able to identify hopes that you have for the characters of your children?

  • What do you want to be remembered for as a parent?

  • What is one thing you are doing differently from your parents?

  • What is one area of family life you would like to improve?

​       

Values: (p 26)

  • What are three values that feel important to you?​

  • Are you ever influenced by other people’s expectations?

 

BELONGING

  • Would you like your family to have more shared experiences?

  • In which ways could you invite your children to contribute to family-life ideas?

  • What sort of things might you discuss at a family meeting?

  • What could you call your family meetings?

  • What family traditions do you have/or would you like to start?

  • What is unique about your family?

Trust: (page 44)

  • Which areas of trust-building appeal to you?

  • Is it ever hard to speak the truth?

EMPATHY

  • Does empathy feel time consuming?

  • How could you improve your listening skills?

  • NEUROSCIENCE: How can you help your children to respond rather than react? (P55)

  • Is it easy to accept your child’s feelings even when you don’t agree with their perspective?

  • How can you build your child’s emotional vocabulary?

  • How easy is it to hold back your solutions and let them solve?

  • NEUROSCIENCE: Can you see the physical effect on your child when they receive love from you? (P 61)

 

Values: Humility (P66)

  • Do you think receiving apology can have a powerful effect?
    Are you good at admitting your mistakes?

 

CHOICES

  • Do you and your child ever have power struggles?

  • Which instructions could you exchange for choices?

  • Does life go too fast? - Where could you create some space?

  • Would you find it hard to give your child space to fail?

  • Is responsibility an important part of your vision?

Values: Compromise (p82)

  • Is the culture in your family set by the values of both you and your partner evenly or is it

  • more reflective of one of you?

  • Are there any areas where you could stand back and allow your partner more decisions?

 

DIFFERENT WAYS TO LOVE

  • Which are your two top love languages?

  • Which ones can you identify strongly in your child?

  • What drains your child?

  • What could you offer them from their top love languages when they’re feeling low?

  • Values: Rest (P94)

  • Do all your demands fit in your life?

  • What refreshes you?

STRONG LOVE


BOUNDARIES

  • Do you find it difficult or easy to enforce your boundaries among friends or at work?

  • In which ways are you tempted to over-manage your child?

  • Can you identify the links between boundaries and empowerment?

  • Are your boundaries clear or do they move around depending on your mood?

  • Is it hard to be gentle and strong at the same time?

Values: Grief (p112)

  • Are you able to share with your child when you are feeling sad?

  • When your child is sad do you find it tempting to cheer them up?

CONSEQUENCES AND RESPONSIBILITY

  • Do you ever use consequences that are not linked to your child’s poor choice?

  • Are there areas where you are tempted to swoop in and save your child?

  • Do you find it hard when your child seems disappointed with you?

  • Do you ever feel that your voice is ‘white noise’ in your home?

  • Can you think of an area of your child’s character that needs strengthening?

Values: Perseverance (p136)

  • Can you identify the difference between celebrating success and celebrating

  • perseverance?

  • Is there an area you would like to see your child increase their perseverance?

 

CONFLICT

  • Do you find conflict uncomfortable?

  • Would you like to be better at expressing yourself when you’re disappointed with

  • someone’s choice?

  • Can you accept someone’s perspective even when you disagree?

  • Can you cope with the mess that comes after conflict and before resolution?

  • Can you identify whether a problem is yours or your child’s?

 

SIBLING CONFLICT

  • What are the ‘rules of play’ in your home?

  • Do you find it hard to offer empathy when your children emerge from a fight?

  • Can you find ways to change an accusation into an ‘I message’?

  • If you have tried mediation between your children, how did it go?

NEUROSCIENCE: Can you identify whether your child uses their head or their heart first
when responding to challenges?

  • Are you a head-first or heart-first person?

Values: Gratitude (P162)

  • Do your children express gratitude often?

  • Do you write or share when you feel grateful?

SOCIAL MEDIA

  • What age do you think children should use social media?

NEUROLOGY: Dopamine (168)

  • How does your child respond to limitations?

  • Can you identify areas you find it challenging to limit yourself?

  • Do you think social media sites are aware of the pitfalls of addiction to social media?

NEUROLOGY: Cortisol (P171)

  • Do you ever see signs of stress in your child when they use social media?

  • Have you experienced tension when using social media?

  • Have you considered a two-way agreement?

  • Has your child shared the pros and cons of social media with you?

  • What boundaries feel important to you for your agreement?

  • Which apps or platforms are not permitted in your home?

  • What could you offer into your side of the agreement?

  • Which ones might your child recommend you offer into the agreement?

  • In which ways could you boost your child’s self-confidence?

  • Are there some adventures you’d be game for trying?

Values: Adventure (p 188)

  • Have you noticed the increased desire for adventure in teenagers you know?

  • Which areas could you relax a little to make space for adventure?

GENERAL

  • Which chapter most encouraged you?

  • Which chapter was the most challenging?

  • Which were your favourite quotes and why?

Host a parenting course:

  • Is it possible to run a parenting course in my home? 

    • Yes, it‘s great fun as well as enriching and rewarding.

  • Am I qualified?

    • Yes, you just need a heart to gather friends who'd like to learn parenting tools and share ideas. You can just start with one evening and see how you go. See below.

 

What do I need to know?

NEVER STOP GROWING

We can all grow in our role as parents, in fact I hope I never stop growing. 

JUST GATHER

I have found that gathering a few friends, opening a bottle of wine or some biscuits (depending on your preferences - I like home made chocolate cake, but no pressure!) and chatting about life, parenting, children and all that it involves, is fun. I’ve also found that parents find they become empowered and encouraged as they go through different parenting ideas from this book.

START WITH LOVE

If you just have one gathering I suggest you chat about the chapter on love languages; you’ll find that people enjoy trying to work themselves out. They soon discover how interesting they are and realise why they find some ways of expressing and receiving love easier than others.

 

KEEP GOING

If they’ve enjoyed that evening then you could make some dates to keep gathering. Gather as mums or gather as couples, or a mixture. I usually find that mums are more open to the idea. But there are Dads out there that are brilliant at discussing this stuff and have just as much to offer and their perspective is really helpful.

 

NO RULES

You can move the group around different homes to ease up on the childcare/babysitting if the children are still young. Take it in turns to bring wine/make a cake. Divide the book into ten evenings, five or three or as many or few as people can commit to. Try to stick to the same group. Once people have opened up a bit in front of others they will find it easier to meet the same people the next time.

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

The book club questions.

If you’re hosting a course, it’s easiest to stick to one topic per evening. The amount of topics you choose to cover will depend on the amount of evenings you agree to gather for.  One term could make sense, that will give you about 8 evenings.

You may like to have a gathering on The Power of Values or one on Neuroscience.

 

RULE OF THUMB

Your home is as big as your welcome.

 

LOOK OUT FOR

I am working on a series of videos to accompany the Parenting For Life Course. Let me know if you would like me to contact you with details and the price when they are ready. (see contact page)

FEEDBACK

  • I’d love to hear how your group is going and the ways in which it’s helped your family life.

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