That space between the two of you is the atmosphere your children grow up in.
No matter whether you have a studio flat or a palace, the place your children dwell is between the two of you (where of course, there are two of you).
It’s where they will learn about relationships.
It doesn’t mean that your relationship has to be perfect. In fact, I don’t’ believe there is such a thing. But it does mean that it gets played out in front of them, even when it’s non verbal. It’s the most important relationship they get to watch. But even when it’s not at it’s best, there are opportunities to send them positive messages about:
The amount of time you make for each other
The way you communicate
The way you resolve differences,
None of these have to be perfect, but they can be positive.
Let’s just look at time together.
The first thing that goes when children come along is usually time for each other where you get to connect. They wait for that quieter day that never comes.
Yes, there's tv time and time that you're in the same house or even room, but that's very different to really being together, talking, listening.
Time together makes a massive impression on your children. If they're aware of it, they notice. If they're not aware of it, they'll notice the effects.
Now you may be sitting there thinking,
We’ve lost track of each other
I don’t know what we’d talk about
We’re not in a great place right now.
If that’s the case, putting intentional time in for each other is even more important. And you can put a caveat on it and say, ‘Let’s not talk about the tricky things in this time together.’
It's preferable to go out for a walk or a drink, but If you can’t afford a baby sitter, could you make an evening a week where the tv goes off and you have a drink or meal, just the two of you and connect?
Connection is the most significant thing you can offer your children and they will learn about connection by the way you connect with each other. It’s really worth fighting for.