Modelling conflict

In the last few blogs we've looked at conflict with our children as well as our children conflicting with each other. But, one of the main ways they will learn about relationship is by what we model to them through our marriage or partnership.

Interestingly, it's not always the actual conflict that troubles our children, it's the lack of resolution. How easy it is in the hustle and bustle of life, jobs, kids, to throw words away and cause hurt between partners. It's going to happen in the happiest of families, but the issue is, do they see us resolve?

In the absence of explanation kids will make assumptions.

Sometimes conversations are put on hold and issues either blow over or are resolved later. In either case, it's helpful to let the kids know how you got to a better place with each other. there are ways of doing this without bringing our children inappropriately into our adult differences. "I was cross with Dad/Mum, but we had a good chat and we understand each other now."

If it's ever appropriate and possible, let them see you get to a place of understanding "I misunderstood you, sorry I got so cross."

When we resolve our issues we have closure, but if the kids don't know about that then they could be left with a slew of open ended confrontations that appear to have no conclusions. In the absence of explanation kids will make assumptions. In order for them to be reassured, it's helpful to show them or tell them when issues are resolved.